I’m not a heart healer, a relationship expert, or Hitch, but there are some aspects of dating that I’m pretty confident discussing. As a result of this confidence, my homegirls constantly call me to vent and/or get advice on situations they are going through, which is hard for me to give when I know 95.6 percent of everything I tell them will go in one ear and out the other. But they’re my friends and I’ll always be here for them in times of need. I’m starting to see that many of my homegirls need the same thing this summer: How to find a man who is interested in a serious relationship, and how to avoid the men who are NOT. As a man who has found myself on the extreme ends of both scenarios, here are a few (hopefully) helpful tips that more women need to know.
1. Talk to Him about His Dating Past WITHOUT Making Assumptions
One of the worst mistakes a woman can make is talking to a man about his dating history, hearing him go on about some serious long-term relationship he had, and then assuming that his past ability to be in a long-term relationship automatically means he’s currently capable of doing that with her. STOP THAT SHIT. Just because he dated “what’s-her-face” for three and a half years, that does not mean that he’s looking for that type of relationship right now.
Also, if he’s NEVER been in a serious relationship in his life (and we’re talking about a relatively attractive ’80s baby), you gotta give dude the side-eye. I’m NOT saying that means he has commitment phobia and he should be treated like the Ebola virus, but that fact should be part of your early evaluation of his potential. Oh, and ladies, please DO NOT make the dumb-ass assumption that you will be the one to change him — he’s a grown ass man, not your son.