By Aaron Anderson
Despite the recent hype that marriage isn’t for you, it actually is. Here’s why.
I’m sure by now you’ve read the viral post by Seth Adam Smith about Marriage Isn’t for You. In the article he states “True marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love — their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?” while Love asks, “What can I give?” As the editor of the Marriage section (originally appeared on The Good Men Project), I debated re-posting it here. But in my better judgment I decided against it because as a marriage counselor I wholeheartedly and fundamentally disagree with it. Here’s why:
Why I Disagree That Marriage Isn’t For You
1) It’s a completely false notion that to be happy in your marriage all you have to do is make your spouse happy. This assumes two things that are not physically possible: 1) that there’s some magic button you can push that can somehow “make” someone be happy. And 2) it assumes that by someone else being happy, it pushes another magic button that somehow makes you happy. The fact of the matter is, no such magic buttons exist. No matter how much you try to “make” your spouse be happy that’s just simply not within your control. And even when your spouse is happy, that doesn’t mean you will be. As one author recently wrote, that’s why the phrase “happy wife, happy life” is erroneous.