In my opinion, the hurt, pain, and humiliation would be avoided if these types of people would just stay committed to their marriages. One person’s – or even a group of persons’ – selfishness does not make the whole idea of monogamy obsolete. Not living up to a reasonable standard is not a reason to do away with it.
If anything, knowing that people believe different things about monogamy just means that we should be certain we’re marrying someone who shares our same ideals on the topic. It’s the whole “you can’t turn a man-whore into a house-husband” thing. As one wise writer succinctly put it “a cheating boyfriend is a cheating fiancé is a cheating spouse.”
It’s not monogamy itself that’s unrealistic. What’s not plausible is the idea that one can easily go from having indiscriminate sex to being content with one person. That would involve a total retraining of the mind. A monogamous relationship would require someone accustomed to fornication to learn to value the quality of sex over the quantity of partners.
It would also require them to learn how to be good in bed. The inconvenient truth is, people who switch sexual partners often never learn how to satisfy because random encounters are inherently selfish, and rarely as much about a real connection as about the next release. In those situations, if the sex isn’t “good” for one or both people, then they can just move on to the next. In a committed, monogamous relationship both parties learn how to please the other person and ultimately learn what they themselves like best through trial, error, experiment, and ecstasy. This is why most people say married sex is the best they’ve ever had. In all of that bed hopping, they never really learned what it is that they liked and were never in the presence of someone who cared to find out. Monogamous sex is the best kind.