By Tracy Clayton
So I’m thinking that the folks at Very Smart Brothas should consider changing their name. To Very Misled Brothas. Very Loud and Wrong Brothas. Or Very Well Intentioned But Ultimately Failing Brothas. Their latest post entitled “’Rape Responsibility’ and the Fine Line Between Victim Blaming and Common Sense” makes a very good case for doing so.
If you cringed at the very mention of that title, congratulations! You have approximately 30 percent more sense than VSB thinks women don’t have. The article was written in response to a piece that appeared at Ebony.com entitled “Stop Telling Women Not to Get Raped” by Zerlina Maxwell of Loop 21. Maxwell basically said that cautioning women on how to behave (dress appropriately, don’t leave clubs with strange men, etc.) as a means to prevent rape is ineffective, and that the real change will ultimately come from teaching our boys not to rape. VBS’s response was essentially, “Yes, I agree with all that…but y’all still need to be careful.” Seems innocuous enough, right? It’s not. Here’s why.
dear Random Reader:
“You make it sound as if rape is an ever present occurance, and it’s something that you can just walk into if you’re not careful. Like it’s there just waiting to happen if you’re not paying attention.”
i dont blame you for not knowing that this is ridiculous and wrong. as a male, and even without your avatar id be able to tell you were a guy, your male privilege keeps you from understand what like is like for women. you dont live the life we do, so you dont know what it’s like, and you never will, 100%.
you dont know what its like to have to look over your shoulder, constantly, when walking down the street alone, because if a man will talk reckless to a woman he doesnt know on the street, physical assault is a very real possibility.
seriously, talk to some women. no–*listen* to some women talk about their experiences and what they go through. humble yourself, let down your defenses, and open your ears as wide as possible. dont just listen; really *hear* what they’re saying. because that’s the only way you’ll come close to knowing how it feels to live the reality that women do.
also,
“It’s not dog shit. It’s not black ice.
There are few professional rapists out there.
Most times it happens spur of the moment when the perp desires to gain the upper hand.
They’re not out there 24/7 with their raping gear in tow.”
this shows me that youre not up on rape/sexual assault statistics. the astounding frequency that rape occurs is proof that women have every reason to stay conscious of the possibility of being raped or accosted.
please read, listen, and educate.
@Tracy – Great post.
@Krista – Nope. YOU missed the point.
What about just teaching people that rape is absolutely wrong? Your whereabouts, level of sobriety and manner of dress don’t negate your right to not be raped.
This whole rape avoidance idea is so backward. Sure don’t engage in behavior that is “dangerous”. But that’s not going to stop you from getting raped. People not raping other people is what will stop you from getting raped. So why isn’t that the only message??
If people who avoid all the behaviors that are risky still are victims of rapes, why in the hell would do we keep ignoring the actual answer – working to impress upon people that rape isn’t a way to express aggression or frustration, that your feelings and urges aren’t paramount to anyone else’s and that no means no.
Instead we’re back to blaming the victim.
My my my Krista….not the most sensitive commenter, are we? Regardless of YOUR personal experience, to give the writer a “please sit down” because you chose to give different suggestions regarding avoidable situations and rape is simply….*sigh*…foolish. Even if a woman walked around buttnaked, drunk, and engaged In repeated ill repute, that would STILL not be enough to give “encourage” being assaulted. Sorry it happened to you, t iy but the behavior, in THIS case, NEVER justifies the assault.
You make it sound as if rape is an ever present occurance, and it’s something that you can just walk into if you’re not careful. Like it’s there just waiting to happen if you’re not paying attention.
It’s not dog shit. It’s not black ice.
There are few professional rapists out there.
Most times it happens spur of the moment when the perp desires to gain the upper hand.
They’re not out there 24/7 with their raping gear in tow.
speaking of missing points..
what the initial article suggested is that if women do xyz (stop getting drunk, stop going home with random guys, etc)… it was suggested that if we followed those rules, rape would end. that would fix it. if we’re more careful, rape will end.
that is very, very wrong. reducing the risk of being raped is one then; ending the phenomenon of rape is a completely different animal.
also, as i said in the above post, no one is AGAINST telling women to be careful. nobody is arguing that women should go out and act reckless because men should be responsible for rape. i *never* said that. the point is this:
that hypothetical situation you posed? getting “sh*t faced at a bar?” let’s say a woman goes to a bar, doesnt have a single drink, goes home, and gets raped by her boyfriend? or her husband? or her father? what good did being cautious and not getting drunk do her?
none.
women take these precautions EVERY DAY. and people *still* get raped. there is nothing that i can do, as a woman, to prevent being raped. can i do things to reduce the likelihood it will happen? absolutely. and i do. but i can’t stop it, neither can you.
this is coming from a survivor as well.
save a few of those cookies for yourself, ma’am.
Congratulations on missing the entire point!
Your “Please sit down” cookies will be delivered shortly.
As much as you do not want to believe it, in some cases, rape possibly could have been avoidable.
Doing dumb sh*t Such as
- Getting sh*t-faced drunk at a Bar
- Going home with that random guy you don’t even know that you just met at the club
- Walking around the dangerous part of the neighborhood at night for no reason besides you just want to
Plus other ignorant things could lead to harm could have prevented a rape.
Ladies, if you know for a fact that the place you are/might be is a highly dangerous area, don’t stay/go there.
Now, not saying that a woman deserves rape for stupidity or whatever reason, because she doesn’t. But it’s called taking precautions from harm. Which more women should be taught to avoid such dangerous situations. Not saying that it will ALWAYS be effective, but it could just save a person from a very unfortunate event.
And this is coming from a Rape/Abuse survivor.